Opposites Attract
by tris-everdeen99
Summary: One year after Voldemort has been defeated, and the former 7th year students are brought back to Hogwarts to complete their formal education. But when Hermione finds herself chained to Blaise Zabini, trying to seduce Draco Malfoy, and being forced to participate in the senile headmistress' dangerously insane challenges...chaos descends.
1. Chapter 1 - Chained

**Chapter 1 – Chained**

**Hi everyone! So, I find that sometimes I need a break from writing serious fics...and OA was born! People may be ridiculously out of character, and most of the events would probably never happen...pretend that Ron never "liked" Hermione, Fred didn't die, and Draco still hates Harry and the gang, but he doesn't believe in all that blood-purity nonsense any more. Still want to read it? Well, don't say I didn't warn you!**

"Woah…now THAT is the example of a sexy Gryffindor…" Blaise drooled, staring at the doorway where Hermione Granger and her friends had just walked in; completely oblivious to the stares they were receiving.

Draco scowled. "Blaise, stop drooling over Potter." He snapped.

Blaise turned to face him. "Darling," he began to stroke Draco's arm, "do I sense some jealousy there?" he teased, grinning widely.

"You most certainly do not! I'm straight, remember? _I'm _the one who's been fending off your advances for the past three years!" he slapped Blaise's arm away.

"Ladies, ladies." Theodore Nott leaned forward, "Please, no fighting."

"Shut up, Theo." Draco punched his friend's arm half-heartedly.

"Yes, petal. Don't get involved in this." Blaise tutted, turning back to Draco. "Harry is just…so…mysterious."

"Mysterious?!" Draco spluttered.

"Mmm…He saved the Wizarding World, but we've still never seen him shirtless." Blaise's eyes glazed over.

"Blaise, why would we – ok, you know what? I don't want to know."

"Don't want to know what?" Blaise turned to Draco.

"Damn." Theo shook his head. "This Potter business has really messed with your head."

"I can't help it, honey. He's just sooo gorgeous."

Draco slapped his forehead. "He's got a girlfriend, remember? Weaselette. And - "

"That means he's straight." Theo finished for him.

"Precisely." Draco nodded, smirking, but was answered by Blaise smirking straight back.

"I wouldn't be so sure, darlings…"

**ooooo**

"And that means by pouring the mixture over any two body parts from two separate people - " Snape glanced over at Hermione, his tongue flitting out to wet his lips, "a set of muggle handcuffs will immediately appear over them. The only way to unchain them is for the caster to speak his or her chosen words – used in step three when preparing the potion – and the cuffs will immediately disappear. There is no other solution." He paused. "You have half an hour to prepare the potion. You'll find the ingredients below your desk – begin now!" He sat back, running his fingers through his greasy hair.

"Draco!" Blaise whispered, kicking his friend's chair leg. "Baby! Can you hear me?"

Draco looked up, glaring at Blaise who was completely oblivious to his irritation. "Don't call me baby."

"Sorry, petal."

"What is it?!" he hissed.

"I've just had the most gorgeous idea EVER."

"And I'm guessing you're going to tell me about it." Draco muttered, rolling his eyes at Theo, who'd leaned over to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Darling, Harry's only one seat in front of me. When I've prepared the potion, you distract him for me, and I'll quickly pour it over our wrists!"

Theo began to shake his head vigorously. "Dude, are you crazy?! You realise that Snape will KILL you…and all they have to do is get you to say the unlocking wordy-things – then you're back where you started!"

Blaise smiled. "That's where you two come in. Whilst Draco darling is distracting Harry, you can bump into me so it looks like a mistake! I'll just use any old random nonsense for the unlocking words, so we can…never be apart…" his expression became dreamy and his eyes glazed over once more.

"You're crazy."

"And you're my crazy, beautiful, two best friends. Please help?"

"If you get Potter to do what we want…" Draco smirked.

"Fine, darling. That's - " he was silenced by Hermione turning around to shoot one of her poisonous glares at them.

"Sorry sweetpea!" Blaise whispered.

She shuddered, and turned away.

**ooooo**

Blaise began to stir his potion as it bubbled slowly. "Step three…" he mumbled. "Use chosen words for unlocking cuffs, once mixture has been poured. Hmm." After a slight pause, he began to mutter. "Astilfienigrackspurt fleebschmilfurten williompzinguiska schakanovsky. Bleeumph!"

Draco turned to stare at him, and he grinned back, sunnily. He had no idea what he'd just said. Now he and Harry could never be separated…

Ten more minutes, and his mixture had morphed into a shade of what seemed to be a golden-pink.

"The colour of love." He mumbled to himself, running his fingers through the air in front of him, and imagining he could feel Harry's tousled black mop of hair beneath them.

"Sweet Salazar! What are you doing?!" Theo and Draco had turned to stare at Blaise in complete and utter confusion.

"I'm ready, my little chocolate frogs."

Draco exhaled slowly, before picking up a piece of parchment, scrunching it into a ball, and throwing it at Harry's head. It bounced off neatly, landing on Blaise's desk – to his delight – where he quickly kissed it and shoved it into his pocket.

Harry turned around slowly. "Get lost, Malfoy." He hissed.

"Who me? I didn't do anything." Draco whispered, exaggeratedly innocently.

"Don't be so stupid. I know you threw something at my head."

The two continued to bicker quietly, and Blaise twisted round so he could nod at Theo. He quickly filled a vial with his potion, holding his arm out as Theo jumped out of his chair and stumbled forward – not unlike a drunk madman.

"Oh WHOOPS!" he shouted, covering his mouth in fake shock before he slammed into Blaise, pushing him forward. However, his premature exclamation had made Hermione whip around in her seat, and thinking that Theo was going to crash into Blaise, who in turn was going to fall onto Harry, she quickly jumped out of her seat, pushing Harry out of the way.

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.

When Blaise realised that it wasn't Harry who was in front of him anymore, but Hermione, he began to scrabble around, trying to stop himself from falling towards her. But, it was too late, and the momentum from Theo's "fall" had sent him sprawling towards Hermione, his arm knocking into hers. The whole class seemed to realise what was happening, and erupted into chaos.

"NOOOO!"

"SWEET MERLIN!"

"MR ZABINI!"

"STOP!"

"HELP THEM!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The vial was sent flying out of Blaise's hand, and shattered on the ground in front of him and Hermione, sending its contents spraying all over them as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Silence.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself lying on top of Hermione, who was trying to push him off. He quickly tried to stand up, but was yanked to the floor again as the entire class gasped. Dread flooded through his body as he slowly looked down at his wrist.

Which was chained to Hermione's.

"Whoops."

**Just to clarify: they're back at Hogwarts to finish their education properly, as in DH it's pretty messed up. But they end up doing far crazier things than studying...right, this is NOT a BZ/HG, I repeat, it is NOT a BZ/HG! That's just to make things difficult...**

**You liked it? Please review! A warning: I'll be posting chapters as soon as I've written them, but I'll only be writing when I need a break from my other fics. So, it may be a while between updates. Hope you're not too discouraged!**

**Tris xx**


	2. Chapter 2 - Attack of the blindfolds

**Chapter 2 – Attack of the blindfolds**

***GASPS* "NO! It can't be! Really? Another chapter? I don't believe it!"**

**"Well, you'd better. I'm back – with a vengeance." *Grins evilly***

**"But surely you weren't ****_planning_**** on returning after all this time?"**

***Pauses* "Eh. What can I say? I'm a fickle person."**

**"…You really need to stop having conversations with yourself."**

**"Don't you mean****_ "I_**** really need to stop having conversations with myself"?"**

**"I rest my case."**

**"… I have issues."**

"Oh. My. – "

"BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLE - "

"What the hell Theo?!" Draco stared at his classmate. Theo simply shrugged.

"I thought she'd swear. So I decided to bleep her out. Oh, okay. Here she goes again." He shot what Draco interpreted as an apologetic grin, before the incessant sound began once more.

"BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP - "

"SHUT THE - "

"BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!" He only continued his actions, accompanied with supposed robotic movements.

"SILENCE!" Snape bellowed, and for a moment, the class obeyed, until the noise began again, raising to a crescendo this time.

"Sweet Merlin! She's actually - "

"What was Zabini doing? He - "

"Oh, wow. Let's hope he - "

"Come on. It's not that big a deal."

"What if they stay like that forever? I hope - "

They continued for Merlin knew how long, until suddenly, it literally seemed as though the air was pierced with the sound of screaming. Shrill, high pitched, consistent, and seemingly never ending, the sound seemed to reverberate through the entire building of Hogwarts, sending each student under their desks or clutching their ears to relieve themselves of the ear-shattering racket. Only one figure managed to look around to find the source of the noise, and when Snape eventually realised it was coming from none other than Gryffindor's Princess, he only hesitated for a moment to pity Blaise, who was cowering away from her – at least, as much as their current predicament allowed him. Then, taking in the sight of her flushed complexion, eyes glittering with fury, and lips stained from constant worrying, he practically leapt across the room to grab her in his arms, wrapping one around her waist from behind, and sliding the other across her neck until he finally clamped it over her mouth. The position was strange to say the least, with Hermione pressed against his front, but the class was so stunned by the assault on their ears, and so relieved by the sudden silence that followed, that not one single person bothered to wonder why Snape hadn't simply silenced her. They only took a second to stare at the potions master before he quickly barked instructions at them, sending them scurrying.

"You! Yes you! Go take Miss Granger's – and Mr Zabini's bags to their common rooms. Oh, you're not in Slytherin? Well then find someone who is!" He turned to face the rest of the class, still clamped onto Hermione, with Blaise awkwardly dangling off the side of his arm. "The rest of you, go! Shoo! I want you to write an essay on the effects of the potion we've just encountered, and occurrences when something goes wrong. Use the time left from the lesson. Go on! Before I make it two essays!" This sent the 8th years scarpering, but Harry, Ron, Draco and Theo hung back, shooting poisonous looks at each other at any chance they got.

"What are you waiting for, Mr Potter?" Snape stared at Harry.

"Hermione, _Sir_. She _happens_ to be our friend."

For some peculiar reason, this statement sent Blaise into a fit of gibberish, practically drooling and staring at Harry in a manner similar to an adoring fan-girl. Needless to say, he received some concerned looks from the unlikely party. Snape wisely decided to ignore this interruption.

"Don't you take that tone with me! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" At Harry's rage, and Ron's indignant splutters, he only had to raise an eyebrow before they slouched away. He turned to face Draco.

"And you, Draco?"

"Zabini."

"Ah." Snape nodded. "I wouldn't worry about it. I'll deal with this."

Draco remained stubbornly, with Theo lingering by his side.

"If you want him out of his mess, then I'd suggest you leave. Now."

Draco, slightly stunned at the sharpness of his tone, stared for a moment, before deciding it was better not to confront Snape, and strode out of the room, Theo following.

The Potions Master slowly released Hermione, before stepping away to observe the pair, his gaze lingering a little longer than necessary on her. She couldn't help but feel as though he was mentally undressing her, and hoped that what she'd thought was a shiver of delight as he watched her was actually revulsion.

"So who's going to explain what happened? Before I give you both detention for the rest of the year." He drawled. Blaise turned to face Hermione.

"Darling, I am so sorry. I can explain - "

"Don't you darling me!" she exclaimed, and managed to muster as much of a dignified look as she could what with a chain dangling off her wrist.

"EXPLAIN!" Snape bellowed, glaring at Blaise. When all he received were whimpers in reply, he resisted the urge to slap his palm to his forehead, but settled for a roll of his eyes instead.

"Zabini." Hermione turned to face Blaise, her eyes flashing with fury. "You'd better say the bloody words - "

"Honey! You swore!" Blaise gaped at her.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" she bellowed. "AND STOP CALLING ME "HONEY"!" she paused for a moment, to collect herself, then continued, her tone low and menacing. "If you don't say the words to get these freaking things off me, then I swear to Merlin, I'll hex you so hard, you'll wish you were dead."

Blaise gulped, but said nothing.

"TELL ME!" she roared, seemingly possessed, and yanking her wrist hard so that Blaise stumbled forward. But instead of tripping over, he simply ploughed straight into her, sending the pair sprawling towards Snape. The trio found themselves lying on the floor in a heap, Blaise tangled in Hermione's legs, and Snape lying on top of her– much to his delight.

"Miss Granger." Snape started. "Perhaps you'd be so kind was to get Mr Zabini out from between your legs." He smirked, and Hermione felt a shudder of fury run through her – he _knew _what he was saying! How dare he imply that –

She could hardly bear to think of it.

A few moments were spent struggling, with her furious kicks at Blaise interjected by the occasional "sorry, Petal!" or "ouch! Darling, no need to be so violent!" until at last, Hermione glared at Snape (as best as one can, being trapped _underneath_ a person).

"Professor." She hissed. "This would be a lot easier if…oh, I don't know. YOU ACTUALLY GOT OFF ME!" she bellowed in his face.

Snape made no move to get up. "Miss Granger." He drawled again, "I find your impertinent tone quite unnecessary. If you wish to continue in this manner, then I'm afraid that Zabini won't be the only one in detention with me for the next few weeks."

And audible gulp was heard from Blaise.

"Please. Get. Off. Me." Hermione seethed, practically biting her tongue.

Snape merely raised an eyebrow.

"Professor." She growled, but Snape simply turned away and began whistling to himself. The sight was quite frankly comical; with the two students chained and tangled on the floor, and their Potions Master lying on top of them, whistling, and acting as though he hadn't a care in the world.

"Professor Snape!" she tried again, raising her voice slightly, but the only sign that he'd heard her was a slight tilt of the mouth when he heard her say his name.

Blaise, oddly silent up until now, interjected nervously.

"Honeybunch…" he started, ignoring Hermione's glare of protest. "Perhaps you should shake him or something?"

She opened her mouth to protest at the idiocy of his idea, but stopped mid-gape.

"I can do one better than that." She muttered, before bringing her leg up, and slamming her knee straight between the professor's two legs.

Snape froze for a moment, eyes bulging out of his head, before letting out a half-human half-animal scream.

"AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he screeched, his voice seemingly jumping at least three octaves.

He gasped for air, rolling off Hermione and curling into a foetal position on the floor. She leapt to her feet and stood over him, wand in hand and eyes blazing with the sheer indignity of it all, and Blaise lay chained at the floor beside her. The whole scene resembled something out of a horror film.

By the time Blaise had clambered to his feet, Snape had partially recovered – and he took the semi-absence of the Potions Master to whisper in Hermione's ear.

"See, my darling. There's a slight problem. I may…or may not have…forgotten the words to unlock the chain?" he stuttered, then cowered away from her.

"You. What?" she hissed, but at that precise moment, Snape jumped to his feet.

"ACCIO BLINDFOLDS!" he roared, and out of nowhere, a strip of black material flew into his outstretched hand. For what reason he even had blindfolds, Hermione was unsure.

Snape jumped towards Blaise and quickly tied the first piece cloth around his eyes, then before she had time to register what was happening, he tied the second around Hermione's free wrist to the one chained to Blaise.

Amongst the chaos of Blaise's discombobulated whimpers of confusion and Hermione's yells of rage, he grabbed the Gryffindor – pulling Blaise along beside her – and shoved her against the wall.

By this time, Hermione had worked out what was happening, and she latched her arms around Snape's neck in a bid to pull his face – with its disgustingly pursed lips - away from hers. Their dishevelled appearances at this moment didn't exactly assist their current predicament, and just as Snape leaned in –

Draco Malfoy walked into the room.

**Hello guys! I'm back – I can only apologise for the delay of uploading this chapter, but I did warn you… (I admit, however, that I didn't expect it to take this much time =P)**

**So! Hopefully you enjoyed this one. I'd love to hear your thoughts – but I've got to say again, I have no idea how long it'll be before I update. Sorry?**

**Love you all,**

**Tris xx**


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